Game 222 - War Begins

[benmin18]

The Stewards of Gondor have unfurled their banners for smoke again rises from the foul lands of Mordor. We have recruited the Khand Easterlings and the Lords of Dunland to aid us in our cause to rid Middle Earth of Sauron's minions and their foolish allies, the Corsairs of Umbar and Saruman the Treacherous. Cowardly Nazgul, prepare to be driven back into the depths from whence you came!

- Ecthelion II, Man of Gondor

[murmur]

Ah, Ben, you just can`t help yourself can you!?
You truly are the voice of doom for "The Allegiance of Doom"!
As a famous Elf once said "You have MY bow"!!!

Murmur of Greenwood

[Ulrik Bisgaard]

And my AXE !

All you foul orcs better start wearing armor from the knee down, as we - the dwarf lords - are coming to Mordor. A *lot* of mountains to be mined we've been told.

Stunty #1

[Fletch]

And my....uhhhmmmm...financial clout?? Marketing strategies? oh oh how about stock tips??? Damn.....guess we'll just go home



The Northmen

[lionatus]

I seem to have seen the supposed ninja and the man of Ice elsewhere!!!

[lionatus]

Oh the horse reminds me that I'm Rohan by the way......

[lionatus]

An I don't care what day this is you don't kiss the horse!!!!!, u can feed him roses though but he'll spit the thorns back at you...

[RKFloyd]

Dark Servants,

Beware the power of my . . . uhm . . . wood??

The Woodmen

[Arthedain73]

Try "clave".

[RKFloyd]

I was afraid Rhudaur might have had that one copyrighted! :)

[murmur]

I`d prefer Beorn to keep his "wood", be it clave shaped or not, to himself thank you very much. There are baby hobbits reading this!

Murmur of Greenwood

[Ulrik Bisgaard]

I fear this will be a short game - it appears there are no DS out there to fight us !!

Shorty

[murmur]

Well, i guess we do what all good teams do when there is a lack of enemy--turn on each other! Do you think you could take the northmen in a fight? What if i move on Esgaroth as you move into 4013?

THRANDUIL the Warmonger

[benmin18]

Wonderful, stupid dwarves and elves are fighting again... Someone NOT following Sauron please save Middle Earth from this rabble.

- Ecthelion II, Man of Gondor

[Ulrik Bisgaard]

Humans ! Who needs them. Always unreliable and tempted by power - no wonder Sauron won their kings over to his cause. Elves - although funny-looking and oh-so-righteous - you always know they will never join the Dark Side..

Shorty

[lionatus]

Hehe a wizard hunting we'll go, a wizard hunting we'll go ee ay me adee oh the White Hands gotta go........

4 all those with height deficiency the words are not gold gold gold!!!!

[Fletch]

Yeah, squeeze out the Northmen.....hey wait a minute?!?!?!

Actually, what do we care, really. As long as we can profit by it, it doesnt matter.

Ahh to take advantage of the displacements of warefare for equitable gain. Tis good to be a fat cat! Now where is my top hat and monocle.

Northies

[lionatus]

Any of you guys got 2950 starting PDFs. Could do wi them to get the map and all intel together before the game gets going and consequently too far along to deal with. You DS from 231 should still have turn 00 PDFs

[lionatus]

So nor starting PDFs forthcoming. Might be an idea if we keep this one going instead of making a new thread every turn guys.

[murmur]

But no-one wants to taunt with us! They`re all too scared, chicken, cowardly...or maybe intellectually challenged to trade insults with the best!

Murmur of Mirkwood

[murmur]

Greetings to the Oppressed Peoples of Middle Earth,

The War of Liberation has begun at last, the tyrant SAURON and his evil regime will be removed and his homelands will once again be free and profitable! In the North, the refuge of the repugnant Witch-King will soon be smashed. As his spies have no doubt informed him the Dunadan are on their way to smash his northern hold at Mt.Gundabad. Using our full economic and military might the girly Witch-King will have nowhere to hide in the mountains after his capital falls in the south!

IN MIRKWOOD;
My once proud home of the Greenwood is becoming a place of light again; the push on Dol Guldor has started and Free Armies are massing to remove the blight from the ancient woods. A hasty meeting of elven minds was convened in the House of Beorn [our Woodman friend and ally]; Elrond, the self-proclaimed, if unelected "Leader of the Freep World", bade his Mother In Law , Galadriel and my own King Thranduil to make war upon the foul denizens of Mordor, but first to start in our own back yard, where guerrilla warfare might ensue if we do not remove the threat of the Dragon Lord and the Witch King. So it was that the Sinda and Woodmen combined and marched upon an empty Dol Guldor. The Dragon Lord`s army has fled into the deepwoods and his capital is unguarded...perhaps he expected HARGROG, a Long Rider lackey, to have reinforced it? No such luck; the foolish lizard thing challenge My Lord CAMTHALION at 2816 only to be surprised and decapitated by him. Camthalion laughed at the challenge, as he himself had planned to issue one upon receiving mighty artifacts from the King himself! Later BULRAKUR`s army arrived to take the place of the disbanded Long Rider one. It isn`t going to plan for the darks...

IN RHUN;
As is often the way with this forgotten land, the DARKS have forgotten to turn up and it remains quiet...

IN DUNLAND;
The same cannot be said. White Wizard armies burnt 1916 to the ground, but have now been caught by URDREK. Will BILL FERNY survive? UGLUK also has an army at the village of Wularan [1917]. Dunland sends more armies to subdue the infidels. The Riders of Rohan put the sword to the inferior forces of SARUMAN at 2020 and his capital at ANGRENOST [2119], taking BUGRUG prisoner. Angrenost, too, remains undefended in the face of a Rohan expedtionary force. Curiously SARUMAN`s generals preferred to retreat into the mountains [2118] rather than defend their citadel. Perhaps it is a mark of his cowardice?

THE EMYN MUIL;
Saw more forces of Rohan under EOMUND dispatch the pitiable army of the DRAGON LORD at 2619.

IN KHAND;
There was some success for the despotic empire of Sauron. Long Rider armies took 4228 from the Khand nation and RASHKUK has arrived to meet the former owners and reinforce MORNADAK. The town shall see a close battle this week! Also ADUNAPHEL herself, to 3538 and even now crosses the desert towards the Khand capital...

IN SOUTH GONDOR;
The first titanic battle of the War of Liberation was a naval one; the navies of IMRAHIL caught the Corsairs at 2430 in an attempt to destroy their dominance of the Sea. However, ADRAHIL and DUINHIR were refused their challenges and their fleets destroyed. ADRAHIL was captured. Much damage was done to the Corsairs, allowing the Sinda fleet to sail into port in an attempt to engage them. It might be the end for yachting for SANGARUNYA and Co. for a while...

IN THE ITHIL PASS;
At last a struggle for power has begun. Two Ice King and two Fire King armies moved onto Osgiliath to face three armies of North Gondor under ARGIRION, BARANOR and ECTHELION. Both sides have had a week to build up, the battle should be fierce. The Stewards are determined to capture BARAD-DUR and replace the regime of Sauron with a democratically elected Free Mordor. Mordors resources will be held under the sway of the Stewards,in the name of and for the good of Mordor`s peoples, naturally. All export profit will of course be held in trust until after the first elections! Aid will be sent and slaves will be freed to become citizens of the United Free Peoples. My Lords of the West are nothing if not caring, sharing individuals.

I remain their scribe,

MURMUR of MIRKWOOD

[benmin18]

Cowards, you guys blew the bridge... Nice challenge with Hoarmurath though. Guess I'll just have to come around the long way. Osgiliath will continue to stand against Sauron's lackies.

- Ben
North Gondor

[Fletch]

The armies of the enemy were defeated at Khand Amu! Their heads will now adorn the roads to act as warning to others of thier kind. Alas, our town is still in the hands of the minions of the Eye but soon we shall storm the walls and take back what is ours! Then let Sauron tremble in his tower for the Khand will soon ride to Mordor to avenge the fallen! We shall meet the armies of Gondor in the ruins of Barad Dur and celebrate the downfall of the hated foe

Ovatha of Khand

[murmur]

Fletch? You sound a bit like Ben...hmmm, i smell a fake Khand post. It`s all too blood and thundery to be Fletch!
So the Darks blew the bridge coz they knew they couldn`t hold it, but can they take the east bank after the corsairs were blown out of the water? Doubtful...and where are the darks gonna go now? Mirkwood? Khand? Not many options for them by taking down the bridge. It should be fun...

Murmur of Mirkwood

[Fletch]

Yeah I know, but the Khand just bring out the blood lust in me. I couldnt help myself.

[lionatus]

Which blood though. My alter ego in another plain of existence is giving me reports. You bleed in every world we visit, ninja or no!!

[murmur]

Ladies and Gentlemen,
I welcome you to the latest edition of this mighty organ.
The war moves apace and we of the free coalition are happy enough with the results. Let me tell you of event from around my Lords` Realms;

At 2816 the fierce Dog Lord , Lord BULRAKUR stood and stared at Camthalion of the Silvan Elves, perhaps there was trepidation, indecision? He did not want to go the same way as HARGROG? He did not dare attack with his troops...was that the gleam of mithril armour on those elven cavalry? Nonetheless, is delay may have been a misjudgement was Cam has now been joined by Commander GALANDEOR of the Sinda. The reinforcements have yet to make it to Dol Guldor...which is still under seige from forces of Galadriel and Beorn. Regent CELEBORN`s fleet is still in the harbour at 2730 facing a new small army under Hero BRAGOLMAITE of the evil pirates. In the last few days CELEBORN`s ships wiped out the paltry remains of the corsairs under the command of Commander ALLURAC. The enemy leader was noted to be suffering from grievous wounds as he was dragged from the water...so much for the dread pirates of umbar!
Elsewhere in Mirkwood, the dragon lord`s expeditionary force, or fleeing force might be more apt has reached the Woodmen`s capital. Commander GASKBUZ commands a large army and is facing a combined enemy of an army under GRIMBEORN and the Silvan`s small army under ARGALDOR. It might be a close fight...unless those are all dragon lord slaves "induced" to fight under threat from the elite, fanatical elements? You can take from that, that the FREE FORCES are not slaves. Captain BEORN has marched upon Goblin-Gate to take on the army of Captain OGROD that is there. Those armies are so costly for such a poor economy as the dragon lord`s...i would bet that 3822 is unguarded right now.
Over it Angrenost, the White Wizard is in danger of being squeezed out of his "inpenetrable" fortress of Orthanc. He has already abandoned the citadel to a host of Rohirrim armies and only has one small army fleeing eastwards across the plains of Rohan from the mountains. How could it all have gone so horribly wrong for Saruman? Meanwhile EOMUND has a small force on the Dragon Lord camp of Ongushar as the armies of the Free try and expunge evil from the region for good. Already the White Wizard and the Dragon Lord have abandoned their capitals and the Witch King has become increasingly isolated in the north!
The bloody town of Osgiliath once more is a place of death and disease. This week has seen the influx of 6 Dark Servant armies! They face the courageous BARANOR`s huge expeditionary force which is now standing with it`s back to the crimson Anduin thanks to the efforts of DS saboteurs who took down the bridge across the mighty river. It should be quite a scrap! In the accursed city last turn much blood was shed; HOARMURATH called out ECTHELION in a personal challenge, suffering grievous wounds but ultimately defeating the steward after a whole 11 minutes! The following battle, minus Ecthelions confused and disintegrating troops saw North Gondor forces, under ARGIRION and BARANOR destroy those of the Fire King, under SNAGA [a baby orc?] and SHAGRAT [an unsavoury past-time?]. After the battle the brave Baranor dodged the knife of a would-be assassin, LAIRATHIN, and injured the whelp. DENETHOR has taken up the Stewardship of Gondor until the KING returns from exile. His sons BOROMIR and FARAMIR assist in active duty in his realm.
After the loss of their navy to the now defeated Corsairs, the fiefdom of South Gondor continues to rebuild. Defeated Admiral DUINHIR challenged the Pirate BRAGOLMAITE, but the scurvy sea-dog refused and recruited a paltry defensive force foe the island of Caras Tolfalas instead. Prince IMRAHIL is determined to support the Free Peoples Liberation of Mordor.
The frozen tundra of the north offers no welcome to the Dark Servant Regime of SAURON the DECEIVER, and the Realm of the Dwarves, ruled by THORIN OAKENSHIELD, King-Under-The-Mountain continues to build and track enemies within their reach. Be warned infiltrators! Rhun remains a safe place for Free, democratic peoples, thanks to their police action in conjunction with the Northmen. Long may it remain so!!
The Noldo Elves, led by ELROND and advised by GANDALF THE GREY continue to provide leadership and direction for the FREE PEOPLES of Middle Earth. Their influence is great, and growing...at 3002 a band of elven rangers came across the necromancer ROGATHA of the DRAGON LORD and challenged him to a fight, however the cowardly mage used dark magics to evade his pursuers and lives to fight, or hide, another day...Mt.Gram remains in the hands of the Witch-King, but soon it will be no more than a pile of rocks on a mountainside.
Dunland has been purged of the scum of SARUMAN. His invading forces have been eradicated after doing minimal damage, and his holdings are now under threat from the forces of freedom!!! Captain AONGHAS has led his large army to 1918 [Arailt] and will torch it this turn, cleansing it of disease with fire...Captain URDREK is at the White Wizard`s village of Treforn [2017] and will follow Aonghas`s lead. At 1916 Urdek destroyed the raiding band of Bill Ferny, who fled the battle field still clutching his shiny sword, but suffering from wounds inflicted in the battle. Captain UGLUK of the White Wizard destroyed the village of Wularan, but his army disbanded and disappeared into the mists rather than face an actual enemy, as opposed to frightened villagers...there are now no DS armies west of the Mt.Gram outpost...
In the Far East of Khand the realm of OVATHA is being squeezed by desperate DS nations trying to secure their backdoor; ZOKHAD of the QA has arrived with his war-band at OVATHARAC where he is met by GOROBEI of Khand. KIONID and URIG have re-occupied their former MT at Khand Amu [now a Long Rider town], it will be back in Khand`s hands any day now. There was a momentous battle there between the forces of Khand and cavalry armies of RASHKUK [Dog Lord], MORNADAK [Long Rider] which saw the invaders routed!

The future remains vague, but the forces of Freedom and Liberation are confident that the undead tyrant SAURON will be removed and Mordor returned to a law-abiding, democratic state. Let`s hope it is so, i remain your loyal correspondent,

MURMUR of MIRKWOOD

[lionatus]

Bloody hell, bet you cut and paste that you cheat. My scribes ahve'nt learned that yet......

[murmur]

Nah, i get my minions and double agents to send in reports via Palantir then RINGLIN magics them onto the page for me.

MURMUR the Resourceful

[murmur]

I`ve got too much time on my hands...i guess i could have worse hobbies though...

[lionatus]

I forgot, the horse does the mapping and data filing. Who needs scribes or magic?

[murmur]

Hats off to Khamul for being so aggressive! Raising armies and sending them out to burn stuff is to be admired, if costly. Pity you can`t dent the Woodmen`s capital, but your defence of Goblin Gate and your surprise march on Ceber Fanuin have to be saluted! Don`t really see the longterm benefits to your nation, but it is nonetheless innovative! You do realise that Dol Guldor and your nation are doomed? I suggest a retreat into the character game, do a few double scouts for your team or something. Your holdings in Mirkwood are not worth fighting for!

THRANDUIL, King of the Silvan Elves, Lord of the Greenwood!

[lionatus]

Whered all those lovely playmates come from. They must have heard the WW wasn't playing and came to keep me company, nice doggy, down DOGGY!

send for a vet!!!!

[murmur]

BROADCASTED TO YOUR HOMES VIA STEREOPHONIC PALANTIRVISION TECHNOLOGY [tm]
[loud-mouthed yobs on the back of carts], THE SILVAN PTV NETWORK PRESENTS...

Radio Free: Mirkwood, Issue 4. With Your Hostess, Murmur of Mirkwood!


Good-day, Consumers,

It`s good to have your attention. We have many products to subliminally sell
you today, and even news of The War of Liberation [tm].


GREED IS GOOD!


In the cold north, the doomed Kingdom of Angmar braces itself for the first
onslaught of the famed Dunadan Rangers. The 1st Infantry division of the
Dunadan is about to assault the Witch-King enclave of Murazor at Mt.Gram,
rumoured to be harbouring the renegade tribal leader ROGROG and his
fanatical zealots loyal to sauron. BUY TEXTILES. The battle should be
bloody. At Goblin-Gate last week a division of Dragon Lord troops led by
OGROD managed to hold onto the pop.centre against invading Liberators from
the Woodmen Nation. It was a close-run thing and has left the defenders
severely depleted. Meanwhile, also in the north, special forces of the
Coalition of Liberation have relieved the agents of evil of a top secret
weapon known only as the RING OF WIND. The enterprising lackey of Sauron,
who goes by the name of ROGATHA must have been surprised to lose such a
bauble after all his hard word in recovering it. It is not known what his
fate shall be at the hands of his tyrannical leadership for losing it...he
was left with only the calling card of the Special Forces Unit: "THE
INSTRUMENT OF YEARNING", an elite and extremely secretive branch of the
military. YOU ARE WHAT YOU OWN.
KHAMUL`s armies must be receiving major-league financial backing from the
Mordorian Regime, as, in Rhun, Regent DURAN has led a "huge army" of
invasion into that peace-loving region of Middle-Earth. Whether they are
"encouraged" slaves is unknown, but their progress has been halted by the
Northmen`s SWITHWULF and his army at 4419. Who knows what foul objective
they had in mind...
At 2816 last week his ally BULRAKUR was not so lucky as his pathetic force
of slaves and sheepherders were routed by a Sinda expeditionary force.
Meanwhile CAMTHALION of the Silvan nation slipped into 3017 with the
intention of liberating it. The welcome he received will linger long in the
memory as the Elven Alliance and the Free Peoples in general were idolised
by the starving inhabitants of the dark servants village. CONSUME. As i
mentioned earlier the Dragon Lord has been most aggressive, not only did his
forces at the Woodmen capital win a close vistory over combined
Woodmen/Silvan forces, but he also managed to hire and force march a small
army to 2915 for what seems to be an easy victory! Indeed there seems to be
a theme of guerrilla warfare in the north as the White Wizard too is being
squeezed from the area thanks to the combined efforts of Dunland and the
Rohirrim! Dunland have recaptured all their territory taken by the Infidel
SARUMAN and are now poised to take ALL of the WW holdings [save Angrenost]
with the imminent fall of 1715. However, it seems that a little resolve was
found in the White Wizards nation. BUY OIL. The army of HAKKEN [thought to
be leaving the area for the safety of Mordor] turned around and attacked
Dunlostir [2220], only to be met by an army of Rohan under EOWYN. BILL FERNY
too recruited some troops and made for the village only to be intercepted by
ADDABON of Rohan at 2120. To make matters more confused in Rohan KRUXTOGG of
the DOG LORD nation advanced as far as the Rohan village at 2520 and is
unopposed.
Osgiliath has fallen into Dark Servant hands as the Venerators of Sauron
took it from North Gondor`s control. However, this week, BOROMIR, the
stewards son has returned with a strong army to face a combined enemy of
CELEDHRING [Dark Lts], MURANOG [ICE KING], and UKLURG [FIRE KING] armies. It
may be too close to call. Further south down the river at 3026, TRANDOR of
North Gondor faces more enemy units under the control of DAUMDORUT [DOG],
LUGRONK [IK] and SKARGNAKH [FK]. He is vastly outnumbered.
In Khand, the war does not fare well for the Free Peoples, with enemy
nations combining to victimise the peace-loving nomads of the desert.
Religious persecution has seen the nation much diminished with only 3 of the
starting pop.centres still in easterling hands and enemy agents actively
assassinating Khand commanders. URIG fell foul to JI INDUR last turn, who
know who will be next? In one bright note, 4228, Khand Amu is once more in
Free hands, though now a village protected by two Khand armies. Ovatharac
was destroyed by ZOKHAD of the QUIET AVENGER nation, but he is now pinned by
OVATHA`s superior forces at the ruins of that village.
The War of Liberation is yet young, there will be many innocents left dead
by the end, but we feel sure the forces of the righteous will win out. I
remain your humble reporter,

MURMUR of MIRKWOOD.

[Fletch]

Feeling run down?

Feeling like the Darks are about to find that Ring?

Feeling like fighting is futile?

Then grab a can of Rhun Cola!

Nothing revitalizes the Free people like Rhun Cola!

Bard I* says "When I'm draggin 'cause a dragon shows up. I dont hesitate to crack a can of Rhun Cola and then open up a can of whoopass on 'em!"

Rhun Cola, is it in you?


This message brought to you by the Rhun Cola bottling company. A subsidiary of Northmen SuperConglomerate LLC, itself a division of SuperMegaElvenConspiracyMegaCorp Inc. All rights reserved.

*Bard I is a compensated endorser and his claims of dragon invincibility are unique results and may not be necissarily duplicated.

[lionatus]

Dont drink it, its a trick. There are UBoats floating in it. Rat droppings probly. Have you seen the size of the rats in Rhun, I have. Give any dragon a run for its money!

[benmin18]

The Stewards of Gondor look favorably upon the ale of Rhun, although it does not measure up to the fine Dwarven stout of old.

- Ben
North Gondor

[lionatus]

We're all part of Eomunds army.
We're all off to Angrenost.
And we'll really shake them up, cos Saruman don't give a f***.
It seems Rohan is MEs greatest cavalry team!

The horse wrote this poem as he's been taken off map makin duty!

[murmur]

The War of Liberation Continues...

Dunland is quickly becoming a Free Protectorate thanks to the military of Enion and his brothers. Nin-in-Eilph was taken this week by forces loyal to the cause of democracy. The blight of SARUMAN is being removed from the west! This should provide a safe haven from which to launch and supply our attacks on the evil regime of SAURON. NOT ONE pop.centre of the White Wizard remains west of the Misty Mountains and Angrenost is under seige from the armies of Liberation!
Meanwhile, around Mirkwood [the blighted realm as it yet is], forces of Sinda and Woodmen under TATHAR and WAULFA respectively, have run into a large army under ULZOG of the Ice King at 3119 on the road to Morannon. It should be a close fight! Nearby at 2816 the brave GALANDEOR was assassinated by an unknown assailent--the Darks have an ARMY-KILLER! Fear rippled through the hearts of Freep commanders, but the resolve remains the same. The target is the Liberation of Mordor and it`s enslaved peoples. Dol Guldor remains in the hands of the Dark with a new army appearing/returning there this turn...
After their battles at the Woodmen capital the small army of GASKBUZ [Dragon Lord] has moved to harass the peaceful woodfolk of Sairtheod [2712]. It is a pitiful attempt to deprive the Woodmen of income, but the Dragon Lord must know HE is the one [un]living on borrowed time? Whilst the enslaved trolls of Khamul may have defeated the 400 brave souls under BENEORACER at the Woodmen capital last turn, they could not dent the fortifications and so elected to run away to an unprotected camp. Why bother? The War Criminals GRASHUKH and SKAURIL were noted to have helped in the battle. However the forces of Good are closing in on them...
The Rohirrim were surprised by the arrival of KRUXTOGG [Dog Lord] at Aldburg [2421] last week, but Lord EOMUND has an army of cavalry there to face him down. Elsewhere THEODEN and his captains continue to reinforce at Angrenost in an attempt to seige the citadel and force out the renegade Wizard. Nothing has been seen of the Wedding-Dress-Wearing Children`s Entertainer. Perhaps the Old Codger has shuffled off his mortal coil? We can but hope. No doubt he is cowering behind his master`s throne, a pawn of SAURON as WORMTONGUE is to him? Whatever, he doesn`t even dare to recruit at his own capital as he knows defeat would be a certainty there. UGLUK the Orc may have tried, he was however foolish enough to accept the personal challenge of the Aged KING THEODEN. And Lost. Scratch one green-skinned commander of the White Hand! At 2220, the King`s Neice, EOWYN, had eventually rundown the slaves of HAKKEN and then ran them through. KRUXTOGG had destroyed the village of Stowburg before running into EOMUND. At 2120, BILL FERNY, defeated a small scouting band under ADDABON and remains on the loose. In another piece of good news for the White Hand BUGRUG escaped from the control of EOMER. Just like pulling rabbits from a tall, pointed, white hat!
In Arnor, the Dunadan Rangers continue to work against the minions of the cross-dressing so-called Witch-King. ELROHIR was moving to liberate Mt.Gram and purge the place of evil only to be met at the foot of the mountain by a huge army under ROGROG. One wonders at this tactic, why fight on the plains instead of at your stronghold? For their sake, we hope that slaves do not make up the bulk of the the WK`s army or they will be gutted like swine on the lances of rangers...the north remains blissfully free of any other smear of darkness and the armies are being mustered for their march to the mountains.
My fellow Silvan Elves have not been idle: This week KING THRANDUIL of Mirkwood has moved upon the Dragon Lord`s stronghold of Sarn Goriwing [2809], enlisting the aid of powerful mages to release the mountain from it`s enchantment. He has forces enough to take it, and is unopposed by enemies there. The first step for the cleansing of the Mirkwood has been taken! Meanwhile at Buth Ovaisa [3017] CAMTHALION took the reeking village from the Long Rider and made it an Elven Camp. A strategic stronghold on the road to Morannon. In retaliation PHILLIPE d`CHASSE the camply named Dragon Lord commander destroyed Ceber Fanuin [2915] and appeared to move back to protect his sugar-daddy KHAMUL at Dol Guldor.
The brave citizens of the Gondor`s continue to fight for democracy and material freedom in the face of armed aggression from the unclean slaves of Mordor. At Pelargir [2927], forces under Commander ASHTURG [Quiet Avenger] and the dark pirate Captain TELKURHAD [Corsairs] moved in to attack the defending garrison under ANBORN [North Gondor], they may have been surprised to be confronted with the arrival of Lord ANGBOR of South Gondor and his Huge Army. A Free Victory is assured by our Leaders! The bloody Town [now village] of Osgiliath will again see conflict this week as Lord BOROMIR of North Gondor now faces the "might" of small armies under DAUMDORUT [Dog Lord] and LUGRONK [Ice King]. The battle is expected to be close. Boromir is fresh from victory there last week; destroying the fanatical scum of MURANOG [Ice King], UKLURG [Fire King] and CELEDHRING [Dark Lts] who`s rag-tag "armies" numbered only some 1100 troops between them and were easily routed! The same cannot be said of the battle at 3026 where Captain TRANDOR`s 1000HC took on a mixed DARKS division under DAUMDORUT, LUGRONK and SKARGNAKH [FK] with many DS mages taking their toll the Free Cavalry, their enchantments even forcing a change of army tactics. HOARMURATH, GAURHIR, KHATHOG and ABDAKHIL all cast spells to influence the course of battle...however the DS lost significant numbers, but still had enough in store to take Bar-en-Tinnen from the Free.
Back in the North, the Noldo have awoken from slumber and march once more! ASCARNIL has led a strong force from Imladris to Goblin-Gate in an effort to purge it of evil and secure the pass for decent folk! He has been met with an army under OGROD [Dragon Lord], but is expected to win the battle there. At 3002, CIRDAN called out the fool ROGATHA [who had then lost the Ring Of Wind], but the coward refused the Shipwright and had no doubt fled back to the welcoming arms of his Tranny Mistress MURAZOR!? The Noldo continue to suuport and guide the War Effort for the Co-alition of Liberation.
Out East in the forgotten lands of Rhun, at 4419, the Dragon Lord has beena attempting to bring the War to a peaceful land. Regent DURAN led 1200HI against Commander SWITHWULF`s mere 600HI eventually overcoming the forces of freedom but suffering some losses in the battle. Their whereabouts are currently unknown! The Northmen remain vigilant for the forces of evil in the far east, and will continue to work for Democracy For Mordor!

I remain your servant,

Murmur of Mirkwood.

[The Eternal]

Just thought i'd resurrect this thread to see if the DS are actually out there somewhere.

If you are then can you ask the minions of Khamul to please leave our lovely forest home and go back to your nasty dank fortress. If not they will regret it!

Mess not with the power of Elves!

Celeborn

p.s just tried Rhun Cola, it sucks!!

[murmur]

Hey, old beardy-bloke! Are your marbles going? Did you get a nasty surprise when you woke up this morning and the Rohirrim were grazing their horses in your lawn and blind drunk in your wine cellar? I guess you`ll have to hit the road with the rest of the nazgul scum. they`re so poor they can`t afford bodies! One tip; if you want to retain the remainder of your braincells DON`t for ERU`s sake drink RHUIN COLA, it`ll decompose your DNA! I heard a rumour [courtesy of the KHANDY-COLA COMPANY] that if you leave a mansteak in a can of RHUN COLA overnight, by morning it will have disolved. Northmen clean their yak`s with Rhun Cola. JUST SAY NO!

LEGOLAS, son of some king, fervent anti-capitalist in the bowels of the great evil elven conspiracy.

[Fletch]

Northmen Superconglomerate LLC

From: Legal Division, Esgaroth
To: Board of Directors, Shrel Kain

As you are aware, there is a recent grass roots campaign to demean the name of Rhun Cola (tm). Recent inquiries into the ingredients and health benefits of our product have caused several embarrassing questions.
While these grass roots organizations have no proof that we know of in regards to the unfortunate "Orc generating effects", it is our consesus that we take the following actions.

1) Eliminate the grass roots campaign through mis-information
2) Acquire Khandy-Cola to further our monopoly
3) Begin counter advertising to make the opposition look foolish

We hope the board will accept our consensus and act accordingly.

Sincerely;

Bard I
VP Legal Department

[The Eternal]

There has been much anguish amongst many new and expectant Elven mothers in the Mirkwood / Lorien area of late due. This has been due to the number of babies being born with ROUND EARS.

At first this had been believed to be the result of some foul and dark magic emanating from Dol Guldur and its vile inhabitants.

Further investigation has shown this not to be the case as all those infected had been found to have one thing in common..... YES you've guessed correct they had all drank RHUN COLA. :eek:

A major class action lawsuit is pending.

Trust not the Northmen Superconglomerate LLC, they may pose a greater threat to us all than all Mordor combined. :mad:

yours

Amroth
Lead Council with the Caras Galadhon Legal Eagles

[RKFloyd]

Would 'dem round-eared babies happen to be a bit on the hairy side? Do they perhaps smell of elderberries? Ya see, Some of your elven girls of low-repute have been making . . . er . . . "pilgramages" . . . into our wood shacks as of late! Waittaminnute . . .::wasn't supposed to talk about our Elven prostitution ring . . .:::: Er . . Yes, it's gotta be the cola! Why, some of me boys drank it and they gots more dingleberries all over 'em than I e're seen! Forget I said anything about "girlies" and such! There's nothing to see here in the woods! Just a bunch of boring shacks! Honest! Those rumors of brothels and casinos all over mirkwood are just that . . . rumors! Now go home!

-Beorn aka Pimp Daddy