gm 223 War of the Rings begins

[JRoberts]

After much anticipation,,,

Murazor the First of Nine has come forth to rid the Middle Earth of the Free peoples...

No neutrality here, sides are aligned in an epic struggle for supremacy.

Hoping for a good game,

let's have some fun and use the boards for their most obvious utility, talking trash and congratulating allies...

JMR
wk223

[KIZERSOZI]

We of the south hear and answer the call of Sauron.
The hordes of the Easterlings are massing and stand ready
for war.

Khand Easterlings.

[Øystein]

Gondor and the South rides against Sauron, forth to war, for Gondor and Dol Amroth!

Long Live Prince Imrahil!

Now where did I put that darned ring I found last week...

[Mormegil]

Dendra Dwar here, Lord of the, ...er,... Dogs

I admit the only reason I joined this game is being able to post something game-related here.
See what GB did to me!
Side effects of this will, of course, be the demise of all pathetic Free People.
As yet I am heavily suffering from the 2950 shock, because my capital army, which is shown as "Large", would be identified as "Small" in my other games... sigh...

Good gaming to my allies and... interesting times to my enemies

[klub]

Greetings to my esteemed Dark Servant allies from the fortress of Barad-dûr.

We look forward to teaching the Free People the folly of blindly following the elven dictators, who shall sail westwards and abandon their allies at the first sight of danger.

Here is to a good contest and I hope everyone has a good fun game.

Paul - Urzahil the Mouth

[Øystein]

Just wait untill the new Gondorian resort on the beaches of the Nurn Sea opens! :D :D

[DaveEv]

Dwarfs checking in.

No sign of Dunsters yet but I know he is on the DS team somewhere.

Looking forward to different sort of game to the usual one. Good luck to the rest of the FP team

[Big Bad Bain]

Greetings From Isenguard

The Hand shall Crush the Eye

The White

[SMoyes]

Hail from the Silvans!

Us "Pointy Ears", will not sail west untill every last orc is laying dead at the foot of Barad-Dur, and then only if our allies want us too.

Thranduil

P.S. Hey, BBB, fancy meeting you in this game, and on the same side again!:)

[klub]

Should the Silvan Elves ever reach Barad-dur they shall be left without feet or any other limbs for that matter.

Saruman may press the Eye but rest assured the Eye shall have his other precious orbs firmly grasped and will lead him on a procession to be judged by the one and true Master.

Urzahil
:D

[JRoberts]

Uh,,,,yeah,,,,what he said....

Murazor had hoped to find an ally in the Hand and his immediate neighbors but tis not to be in this great conflict....enjoy your white clothing whilst you can,,,the eye prefers red robes or charcoal even....the blood and charred remains of the enemy are all that pleases the dark lord.

Murazor
wk 223

[Big Bad Bain]

HMMM instead of chrushing the Eye maybe I'll rip out the mouths tounge. And nail it to the wall of Isenguard

The White

[leonidas]

:mad:

Blah, Blah, Blah!!!

I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!

All the Dark Servants are going to get a spanking, they have been naughty.

Galadriel
Sinda Queen

[klub]

Let it be known Urzahil was the first to bend over and reveal his buttocks in the general direction of Galadriel and Lorien.

Urzahil - Mooner Extraordinaire

[stefaanboets]

Northmen here,

Blessed be the DS for it has been some time since my last asskicking-adventure and here they are offering us their behinds as a token a surrender.

Was it not for them, we, the noble freepeople could only lie around.

But soon they will leave again for some other realm where they can...again... grow to return with renewed forces for us to trash!

Thank you all very much.

Bard I

[KIZERSOZI]

Brave Words Northman
But as is always the way it will be your towns that fall fisrt
it will be you that is removed from the Rhun and sent to rot
on the edge of Mirkwood. I give you notice here and now
build your defences, raise your armys for i come for you.

Khand Easterlings

[SMoyes]

Khand Easterbunnies,

Brave words from a puppet of Sauron. You should know that the Northmen are part of a "Team" and the "Team" will not let your words have any merit. As a follower of the number one falsehood teller, should we not expect you to follow suit?

The Silvans
Proud bearers of the light
Butt kickers of the eye

[KIZERSOZI]

Ahh the team the team how many times have we heard this
full of bravery and and friendship at the beggining but
when it gets tough the splits will soon appear. What to do
with your armies when the Northman needs you, Will you
abandon your persuit of the Dragon Lord to help him,
Will you delay your foolish assaults on the black gates of
Mordor to help him, in your hearts you will want to but the reaility
of war will be that you cannot and he will be sacraficed to me.
A life of torture and slavery to Sauron is all that awaits him and in time you all.
Give up your resistance feeble freeps accept your destiny.
Khand Easterlings

[SMoyes]

Khand Easterbunnies,

These are brave words from you in the southeast. Tell me, what are your mighty armies going to do when your only store goes out of business? Beg for substance? Because in case you didn't know, KMart is going out of business, yes it's true. You know, the name was shortened from KhandMart, to KMart. And now you'll be without all the finery you have come to love and enjoy. I think you'll run and hide without your costume jewelry to boost your supersticious troops courage.

Silvan

[KIZERSOZI]

Killing is my business, and business is good.
So good in fact were starting an agressive expansion
campaign. starting in shrel kain a new Kmart opening
there late March 2003.

Khand Easterlings- prefers latex costumes

[SMoyes]

Khand Easterbunnies,

Killing is your business? I seem to remember that King Author killed your king with the "Holy Handgranade" in the Monte Python Movie "In Search of the Holy Graile".:p

Thranduil

[Big Bad Bain]

Did he have big sharp pointey teeth????



The White

[KIZERSOZI]

I have a lot of big sharp pointy things White and your head
will soon adorn one of them.

Khand E.

[Big Bad Bain]

why it it that the least of the ds make all the noise.


white

[leonidas]

It's the Naploleonic complex, WW. Constantly overcompensating and talking about their "sharp, pointy things". Just keep your little sharp, pointy things to yourself or you'll pull back a nub, buster!

Galadriel
Queen of the Sinda; proud stompers of Evil since waaaay back in the Day.

[KIZERSOZI]

Well Missy lets just say i know 11 other DS who have drawn straws as to who gets to poke you first after big Saurons finished with you. After that we get to poke you with our sharp pointy things for hours on end now doesnt that sound like fun.
Khand E. - Polishing his poker

[SMoyes]

Khand EasterBunnies,

The little sharp pointy things you're talking about is knives? Right?

If not, you'll be sorry because Galandriel is "SOOOOO" old that everything else is dried up.

Thranduil

[Big Bad Bain]

Hey no more old jokes or I join the DS


The White

[SMoyes]

Saruman The White,

Sorry.

Thranduil

[KIZERSOZI]

No need to be sorry to the decrepid old white has been
for the DS wouldnt have him, hes all yours, and man is he gonna
moan and winge like old gits do youll be begging us to finish him off!!.
turn 1 isnt even here yet and you freeps are all nicey and apologetic pah you freeps make me ill
K.E. - Never apologizes

[SMoyes]

Khand EasterBunnies,

Well, I have to think that that "Decrepid old man" will teach you a thing or two when the time comes. We only hope that our friend Bard leaves a EasterBunny or two for us to cook over an open fire.

Thranduil

[Mormegil]

If you like to name our esteemed eastern ally that way, you will meet some big bad bunnies that leave hoovemarks on your forehead after they have trampled you...
and after that, I'll let my dogs loose on you. Let's see what I got there... pitbulls ? No, what a waste! Poodles, yeah, some poodles will do nicely!

Dendra Dwar, keeper of domestic animals

[leonidas]

Dendra,

Make sure none of your smelly rat-dogs poop in my yard! I like a tidy forest, and the beatings will be extra spicey for those caught defiling my trees!

Galadriel,
Spanking Evil booty and loving it!

[Mormegil]

Galadriel the most UN-fair,

I will see to it that there is a warhound in my pens to "care" for every single tree in your realm, and if you think the trees are large already, wait for how they will grow after being fertilized properly...
Unfortunately for you, this will go along with a change of ownership.

Dendra Dwar
handing manure to the needy

[JRoberts]

The screams of the children of the woods...Murazor and his minions shall embark soon enough for your woods and claim what they may.

The screams echo though the elders say not to worry...and perhaps rightly so...

No matter the outcome, many will die these coming days. Orc, troll, man, beast all will come to an end not of their choosing. Many will mourn the loss of their loved ones. They will not understand this war. They will not know that it was their choice to not live in harmony with the EYE and as such they will not understand the hordes of Murazor attacking their homes...

Leave it to the bards to sing of the rightness of it all. The drums beat clearly, strongly, with conviction...the time for action has come, beware.

Murazor
The Witch King

[SMoyes]

Murazor,

Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't the title "Witch" signify a female? It does everywhere I've ever looked. So, if your not a female, then you must be a fairy. That's it, Murazor the Fairy!

Thranduil

[JRoberts]

I beg your parden, I am the King of the Witches!!

Odd though, no women around,,,,,Rogrog stop looking at me like that!

guess me cross dressing orcs with the flesh pikes will have to do.

Does this make me their pimp?

BIG POPPA PIMP IS YOUR HOOKUP,,,HOLLA,,,,IF YA HEAR ME!!!!

Big Sexy the first of nine....

[SMoyes]

I stand corrected, from now on you'll be known to all the Free Peoples of Middle Earth as "Big Sexy, King of the Prostitutes".

How's that?

Thranduil:D

[Mormegil]

Yeah, Thrandy-Man,

but he will not have fully earned this title until he has acquired the appropriate subjects, i.e. conquered your elven realm with lots of nice maidens. But never worry, it will be soon, very soon...

Dendra Dwar
warhounds already dripping saliva

[Brendan Miller]

Hey there Potential Holidaymaker! Are you bored of the same old vacation? Tired of familiar faces? If so we have the holiday destination just for you!
Harad, homeland of the Corsairs!
Featuring deserts, sandy beaches, scurvy old men of the sea, jaunty pirates that say "Argh Jim Lad!", and bountiful hexes of gold generating hills!

Doubtful? Well, currently we have hundreds of Gondorian warriors enjoying the vistas of two of our resorts and here are some testimonies:

"I came to stab orcs, and burn things to the ground. I'm still going to burn things, but I'm stabbing sailors instead!" - Argirion, Gondorian Warlord

"I used to laugh at pirates, but ever since I came to pillage Sukh Akhor I've grown to love the jaunty dogs of the sea and their swashbuckling ways!" - Angbor, Gondorian Commander

"Ooh, I just love those big burly bucanners, they can swash my buckle any time!" - Taurnil, suspect Sinda crossdresser.

So come along one and all, Harad of the Corsairs is waiting for you!

[SMoyes]

Brendan? Is that you down in Corsair Land?

Well, if it is, I'll have to sail myself down there and whoop your butt.

Thranduil

(AKA Scott Moyes)

[Brendan Miller]

Scott, not sure if you are mistaking me for the other Brendan, Brendan McGoldrick, who has yet to change his name despite this being agreed when I declared for the Free in game 32.

But please feel free to join the rest of the Free invaders, though I'm not convinced your nancy elves can take my scury pirates.

[KIZERSOZI]

TUT TUT
where have all the freeps gone it seems theve run away before
the fun has even started this will be a very short war i feel
oh well better get my cav down to corsair coast for long well earned holiday.
K.E. - Taking it easy for a while

[Øystein]

Get in line, we're already picking holiday spots down there :)

Øystein

[JRoberts]

Here we go, turn 1 has been rather interesting with some moves by the free being aggresive against the sea dogs and the woodmen moving his special ops men at arms against the Lord of dragons (cool pic of khamul btw)

However, the real bite is in 3024 where my cross dressing orcs and the scorched troops of the fire king are meeting the snazzily clad gondorian boys...hey boys....hey daddddyy!

I stay play wichu,

King of Witches, Big Sexy, Big Poppa Pimp,


Holla if ya Hear me!

Murazor,,,,don't call me muzzy ya Biotch!!!! (layin' the smack down)

[stefaanboets]

As you can see, we are a team indeed!

Thanks for standing up against this loudmouth for a while in my name. I will gladly join in on the fun.

As the days go by we still see no trace of those large armies which normally take the northmen out by turn 2 and 3.
They're not scared are they?

That's one missed opportunity and more WILL follow!

Nice trashing, less dashing!

Northman

[KIZERSOZI]

ahh the N man squeaks at last
never fear my little northern nieghbour your time will soon enough come but you really must try and remember just how insignificant you truely are , but alas you freeps are just so
predictable and sure enough land in the corsair kingdom they did
well wont the be surprised to see the khand banners there and not in the north as they should be. but as i said your time
will come just not quite yet i do hope your not too disapointed.
enjoy your peace while it lasts.

K.E.

[leonidas]

Doomed slaves of Sauron,

The beatings will now begin. Please line up in a orderly manner so that I won't have to work too hard.

Taurnil is indeed a cross-dresser and the Pirates of Penzance would do well not to bait him, he's awful anxious to get his groove on with those "burly buccaneers".

Galadriel
True Queen of Witches, Fairies, and cross-dressing DS ass-kickers everywhere.

[stefaanboets]

Hey Kinky Assterling,

What are your troops doing in the south? I hope you're learning how to swim, because you won't get away on foot!!

And was that you I saw on the road or was it just another bull-frog? Don't matter, I will go back and squash it anyway.

Northmen

[KIZERSOZI]

Its our new prototype weapon bullfrog shaped landmines
go ahead squish it!! it wont be the only nasty surprise
your gonna get but you'l just have to wait.
K.E.

[SMoyes]

Hey EasterBunnies,

Surely you jest. You must be Sauron's court clown! You sure are a funny one.

Ever hear the one about how many easterbunnies does it take to light a torch? Or, why did the easterbunnie cross the road?

I know I'm telling you old jokes, but we're busy over here and don't have time to make up new jokes.

Thranduil

[SMoyes]

EasterBunnies,

Cat got your tongue? Or has Sauron throttled your expressiveness so much that you're tongue tied? Either way, you WILL fall, and it's a long way down.

Thranduil

[KIZERSOZI]

Well My Little pointy eared side show circus freak
i did actually post last in the other 223post out there but if you
need to be insulted twice i am more than happy to oblige
let me see so far to date it would seem first blood to us
as your pop centres have already started to fall, well not long to wait now and you will see the rest of the armies arriving i fear this game will not last long.
K.E.-

[SMoyes]

Well, well, well...

The Easterbunnies actually speak, he speaks and calls this a "game". It will not seem like a "game" soon, as we will crush your pitiful armies and free your slaves. After all, we are the "good guys".

Thranduil

[Øystein]

Can't we all just get along? Have a nice cup of tea and biscuits at Barad-Dur and chat about the rugby union and other such civilized things.

:D :D

[KIZERSOZI]

OH my goodness
you really are a stupid girl arnt you i dont see any crushing of armies so far just your pop centres burning away in the woods
well lil elf we wont stop until we smoke you out of the forest
and burn mirkwood to the ground. As for tea and biscuits i believe Din ohtar bakes some special biscuits we can send you, the kind you wont wake up from.I believe Koldana commented how very tasty they were just before he choked to death... oh how we laughed.
K.E.- still laughing because he knows whats coming.

[SMoyes]

We, EasterBunnies?

Well, why don't we go head-to-head, me and you. Let's meet somewhere in Rhovanion and fight it out--the pointy eared war! Me with my elven ears and you with your bunny ears. It will be a grand time till I step on you and crush you like a cockroach!

Thranduil

[KIZERSOZI]

Well cutey ears you just pick the time and the place and il be there. but the way i see it il be master of the Rhovanion soon enough and my cav will roam freely but i dont see how your gonna break out of your scummy little forrest when the DS are
all over it. but send what you can huh.
K.E.

[SMoyes]

So EasterBunnies,

You think my ears are cute, huh? Well, thank you, thank you, thank you. I like them also.

Thranduil
Cute ears and all

[KIZERSOZI]

oh yeah
there gonna look real good dangleing off a piece of khand leather
tied around my neck.
K.E.

[SMoyes]

Now, Now, EasterBunnies,

Why must you be so vicious?

Do I get a last supper before you take my ears?

How many easterbunnies does it take to light a torch?

Why did the easterbunny cross the road?

The answer to these and countless other mysteries can be found at the courts of Thranduil, Lord of Greenwood.

Come visit me little EasterBunny and I'll answer ALL your questions.

Thranduil

[KIZERSOZI]

now now slapper have a little patience im comeing just as soon as my lil four legged friends will carry me , gotta mash me up some Northman scum on the way though, you will have to write down the answers to any question i interrogate you with due to
fact im gonna cut out your tounge to go with your ears on my
necklace.
K.E.- have a nice day.

[SMoyes]

Well,

Again with the violence. At least if you chop off my ears and tongue, I'll still be better off than the neutered eunich I hear you are. I also hear that is the reason you're so violent (can't say I blame you, I would be too if I was like you).

Thranduil

[KIZERSOZI]

Well turn 3 has passed and mmmmm looking good from the DS side.But il leave it to them to insult you with that whilst i take time and pleasure in taunting the Northman.
oh where to begin!!
TUT,TUT,TUT, for all your talk Northman i really was expecting better , did i not warn you i was coming, did i not tell you to build
your armies , did i not tell you to prepare your defenses and now
i have arrived as promised and what do i find.....not a Nman in sight.Did you think i was not serious in my threats well you will
live to regret that me thinks.So lets look to the future after you lose these 2 pretty towns. The dagger is at your throat now and only by predicting my next move do you hope to survive do you think you can do that!!! , will i march on your capital , bypass it
and hit Bhur Marling or maybe double back and hit Lest or Dilgul, hardly got much left to defend you there is there.So many choices and you have so few armys but perhaps the village dwarves will
come to help ,dare they move off their poxy village with my reinforcements about to arrive. Perhaps the elves will come but
i suspect not. I eagerly await your reply to this Northman , I fear
this will be a long 2 weeks for you as you try to second guess me
lol .
Adios for now
K.E. - Reclaiming the Rhun peice by peice.